Alone, But Not Alone

Drew is at his studio, I think. He needed to get some tools to fix the driver’s door on our van. He also needs to get ready for First Friday, so maybe he’s accomplishing two tasks at once.

Camille is at rehersal for her school talent show. Deirdre must have elected to stay and watch. Normally, Camille walks her home and Deirdre is only allowed to walk if it is with the crossing guard. Since it is 4:38, I will assume she stayed.

Claudia is out with her boyfriend. I don’t know where. I don’t know what. Urghh.

So, I’m alone with Sam who is having a dilemma. He is torn by his desire to kill, maim, or at least slightly injure Theo, an overwhelming urge to feed the goldfish until they explode, and watching Bollywood numbers on YouTube.

Seeing as the last option is the least destructive, I’ve gotta go with it. Unfortunately, I am trying to cook dinner and facilitate my online class on my laptop in the kitchen and the YouTube is going on in the living room on Drew’s IMac. This means having to rush in there every 7-8 minutes to type a new title into the search bar. Chalak Chalak and Chaiya Chaiya (yes, I see the theme), only go so far.

5:30 PM

Dinner is boiling over, my fingers are burning from the laptop keyboard, Theo is screaming in his exersaucer and Sam is jumping on the kitchen table. He’s putting all of his energy into it, really pushing for the extreme, trying to push his little feet right through the center, splitting wood and his ankles. No one has arrive to help. No one being: Drew, Claudia, Camille, or Deirdre. I wander out to the living room and type: Aishwarya Rai Nimbooda - Hum Dil De Chuke, Sam’s favorite actress and dance number. The music begins and he joins me. The phone rings and I pick it up. It’s my sister.

6:00 PM

Camille and Deirdre arrive. They are fighting. This means Camille is telling Deirdre what she should be doing and Deirdre is hitting Camille. I separate them. Sam is bored and drawing on the floor with the marker that I had just given back to him because he was drawing on the window earlier in the day.
Deirdre tells me I am the worse mother ever and retreats to her bedroom.
Camille ever so desirous to be the favorite takes Theo so that I may pee.
On my way back, I stop at the IMac and type in: Mudda.

6:30 PM

Camille and Deirdre eat. Sam is crawling under the table. I try to feed Theo his mushed peas, but he will have none of it. I sit down to nurse him. He won’t do that either. I type in: Indian Thriller. Everyone rushes me. This is their favorite number.

6:45 PM

Sam is sleeping on the couch. Camille tickles him. He groans. Camille pokes him, he grunts. I tickle him, he lashes out trying to slap at whoever is interrupting his beauty sleep. Both Camille and I attack him. Sam sits up, glares and takes his sneakers off . He tosses them over his head and hits Camille, who promptly begins to cry. I sigh. I go over to the computer and type in Maar Dala.

7 PM

Sam is asleep again. I hand Theo to Camille and try to lift Sam. He yells at me. (Sam, not, okay, yeah and Theo too). I ask him if he wants to hear his favorite song from Monsoon Wedding. He rolls away. He asks for Camille. All of head upstairs. Camille and Sam sit on his bed and I push the play button on his CD player. Sam gets up and starts playing with his toys. Good, I don’t want him to go to sleep yet.

7:15 PM

Drew walks in. I hand him the baby and head for the shower. I’m sad. My sister told me that my grandmother’s breast cancer is back and in her lymph nodes. But she also has lung and bone cancer. I cry, letting my tears mix with the spray from the shower. I hold my face up to the ceiling and let the water enter my eyes, ears and nose. Everything becomes muffled and I am immersed.